Hope
emerging into parenthood amidst tumultuous times can feel like stepping naked into the void
But uncertainty is also the doorway to possibility.
To take the next step, we must let hope take root.
Hope
We are living through a period of profound change. From climate crises, political upheaval, and economic instability to wars, the rapid evolution of AI, and a deepening sense of social fragmentation, the challenges facing humanity can feel overwhelming right now.
How do you reach for the light when it feels like there are storms in every direction?
For new parents - or for anyone thinking about bringing children into this world - these times can evoke unique fears and questions. You might be pregnant and wondering what the future holds for your child. You might be deciding whether parenthood is right for you. Or your kids might be old enough to ask, “What’s going on in the world?” How do you even begin to answer that question in a grounded, calm way for your kids when you also are grappling with the same uncertainty?
How does one find stability when the ground beneath us keeps shifting?
This is not a post about easy answers to the world’s problems, nor is it a recipe for exactly how to be, what to say or what to do. I offer these reflections to you as an invitation to come back into presence and share some ideas about what has been helpful for me as I navigate this time.
~ the power of presence in uncertain times
The antidote to overwhelm isn’t denial or avoidance - it’s presence.
In a world where our attention is constantly being grabbed, capitalized on and manipulated, we need our presence now more than ever. Our attention is our currency. Learning to come back into presence with ourselves is power in these tumultuous times. It’s a radical act of rebellion. And it's a way to come back to the only reality we truly have - which is this moment.
Presence is about focusing on what is real and true for you, right now.
If you are scared, name it. If you feel uncertain, sit with that feeling.
Do you notice how the heart wants to beat a bit faster when fear arrives? Tune into the breath - how deep or shallow is it?
There’s no right or wrong, just be curious and name it. Neuroscientist Dan Siegel calls this naming “mindsight” - the power to see and soothe ourselves from within. His research shows that just naming our emotions can reduce their grip on us and help us to regulate our nervous systems.
So, when the world feels like too much, or the thoughts ‘get a swirlin’, return to what is simplest - pay attention to the breath, to the body and the small circle of influence you have - to yourself, your child, your family, and your home. Tending to these things first is not self-indulgence; it's how you get your feet back under you, which is necessary if you want to step out with positive influence in the broader world.
Another way to think about presence is as an act of love. Think about it, your presence - true presence and attention - means to ‘be with’ and that is the ultimate gift you can give to a loved one (and yourself!).
In fact, love is critical armour in these times.
~ lean into love
The renowned American author, feminist, and cultural critic, bell hooks spoke of how love is crucial in understanding how to dismantle structures of domination and obedience built upon fear. In her book, “All About Love”, she says:
“Cultures of domination rely on the cultivation of fear as a way to ensure obedience. In our society we make much of love and say little about fear. Yet we are all terribly afraid most of the time. As a culture we are obsessed with the notion of safety. Yet we do not question why we live in states of extreme anxiety and dread. Fear is the primary force up- holding structures of domination. It promotes the desire for separation, the desire not to be known. When we are taught that safety lies always with sameness, then difference, of any kind, will appear as a threat. When we choose to love we choose to move against fear-against alienation and separation. The choice to love is a choice to connect-to find ourselves in the other.”
If you are reading this and thinking ‘just lean into love’ sounds a bit airy fairy, let’s ground this for a moment.
What does this look like on a practical level? How does love show up in your day to day?
Seeding more love in your life as a new parent might look like:
Drawing yourself a candlelit bath with a nice smelling bath balm and relishing the feeling of lying down in the warm water (even for 10 minutes!)
Feeling into the imprint of your baby asleep on your chest as you watch the air flow in and out of their perfectly shaped little nose
Listening deeply as your child tells you some made up story about how the dog fought off a dinosaur made of cheese (or some other woefully inspired tale!)
Taking a moment to play with your dog, noticing their lolling tongue and flopping ears as they jump and prance about
Stepping outside to feel the cool breeze on your skin and noticing the sound of the crunch of snow or leaves beneath your feet (depending on what season you’re reading this)
Whatever the moment in your household - whether you have kids, fur babies or plant babies - tune into innocence and the joy givers in your life. May they be a reminder of the good that is in the world. Really take in the moments that feel good, notice what it feels like in your body to tap into love and take a snapshot memory in your cells.
Let every act of care be a seed for your system to fall back on in times of need.
Choosing love in the face of fear, compassion in the face of pain, and hope in the face of doubt is not about ignoring the world’s problems. It’s about building the resilience to be able to face them. Neuroscience shows that positive emotions broaden our capacity for creative problem-solving and connection.
~ let hope be the anchor
Birthing and parenthood crack you wide open. Your sense of connection to the world often deepens. It’s not just emotional - neurologically, your awareness becomes more open and you begin to take in more of the world’s signals - this is part of how the brain rewires itself during this rapid period of change.
On a biological level, science has shown that mothers and children even share cells for years after birth. As Elizabeth Stone so eloquently put it, motherhood feels like your heart walks around outside your body - which in essence is true.
So yes, you may feel the pain of the world more deeply now. But you also carry the light and promise that your child has seeded in you! That increased tenderness and connection to another can make you feel more vulnerable but it can also be a source of profound motivation.
It is not naïve to look for the good. It’s proactive! Studies shows that positive motivation is more sustaining than guilt or negativity - and positive energy ripples outward.
In simple terms, we need to look for the good in order to promote more good in the world. And by promoting the good, we amplify its effects. So while it may feel small and possibly intangible, it’s not inconsequential. And it’s one simple way we can impact the world around us.
If you’re thinking, this all sounds great Molly, but how does one do that when everything around you seems to be churning out the negative?
It’s true, our brains are wired to notice threats. It’s easy to feel like the darkness is winning, especially when media amplifies negative events. But our nervous systems are trainable.
Hope is also a survival technique.
And it's a skill we can practice.
One way to orient more towards hope versus drowning in fear is to look at the exact reason I’m writing this post for inspiration - our kids. Whether you biologically birthed them, you are pregnant now or even if parenthood is not for you but you’ve found yourself upon this post - look to the children in your life.
Children are literal symbols of hope and renewal - they are the world’s way of starting over.
If you want to be a good global citizen, start by being a good local one. Stand in your values, care for your family, and choose the radical direction to grasp onto hope. The love you cultivate in your household is the foundation for growing love in the world. As Brené Brown often reminds us, “we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.” When we tend to our own well-being, we increase our capacity to show up for others. Regulating our nervous systems is an act of stabilization for the future; studies show that children benefit when their caregivers are regulated and responsive.
~ final thoughts
At the end of the day, what our kids, and the world, need from us is not perfection - its persistence. This is a practice. I struggle with it, too. It’s human. But in times of uncertainty, leaning into love—again and again—can be an anchor, a guide, and a source of hope, for you, your children, and the world.
>> For all those who like strategy over prose, here is a quick summary of practical steps you can come back to when you need it.
The Practice: Cultivating Hope from Presence
Notice and Name: When fear or overwhelm arise, name your feelings without judgment.
Affirm Needs: Ask yourself, “What do I most need right now?”
Ground in the Body: Anything to feel the physical presence of your body - from simply noticing the weight of your feet on the floor to bigger movements like, stomping, shaking, or dancing. Add in some breaths to release what isn’t yours to carry.
Soften into Presence: Try some deep breathing (inhale for 4, pause, exhale for 8) paired with an affirmation that you are safe, this feeling is temporary.
Seek Examples of Love: Notice the beauty in small things - your child’s laughter, the sound of birds, the warmth of a friend’s hand. Every time you tune in to moments that feel good - imagine you’re taking a snapshot memory for later - this helps solidify the imprint in your brain.
Curate Input: Be discerning about what you consume. The news is designed to engage your fear response (the negativity bias is well documented in psychology). Being informed is not the same as being overwhelmed. Protecting your nervous system is how you build the resilience, agency and clarity that are needed in these times. Here are some tips:
Avoid consuming news on social media.
If you’ve found yourself doom scrolling take a quick pause to ask yourself - How do I feel right now? Is this helping? If it’s making you more anxious or disconnected, log off and go for a walk (movement is one way to help the nervous system reset from a place of physiological freeze).
If you want to stay connected to what’s happening in the world without getting pulled into the 24-hour outrage cycle, here are a few sources that focus on context, evidence, and solutions:
Fix The News= global progress stories
The Economist: The World in Brief= short daily summaries
Solutions Journalism Network= reporting on real-world solutions
And if you want to take a break from the news as you focus on what you need to do to get through the day, that is a perfectly sound choice too.
~
Sources referenced in this post:
Dr. Siegel's work on mindsight and the practice of “Name it, to Tame it”
The ripple effect of altruism - Article in Psychology Today and Science Daily
The problem solving power of postitive emotions - Article by Fredrickson, Cohn, Coffey, Pek, and Finkel, 2008
Cell migration between mother and child - Article by Dawe, Tan, and Xiao, 2007
Building a strong internal architecture for your kids - Serve and Return method by the Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University