Self-Trust
self-trust is the mark you leave on your heart—a reminder that no matter what happens ‘out there’ you can always find home inside yourself.
It’s that full-body exhale, the quiet knowing that you’ll be okay.
It’s the moment you stop fighting the current, and finally let go.
self-trust
Why I Teach HypnoBirthing®
I’m not going to lie, during my own pregnancy, I was angry a lot.
Angry at how little space there was for women’s actual experiences in the system.
Even with a background in public health, I didn’t always know what questions to ask at my appointments. And when I did, I didn’t always have the confidence to speak up. I worried about seeming “difficult” or “needy.” Maybe you can relate?
As birth researcher, author, and educator (and former midwife), Dr. Rachel Reed writes that women have long been conditioned to play the role of the martyr mother - the one who endures, stays quiet, and doesn’t make a fuss. Even now, people are mocked for making a birth plan or wanting something different than routine protocols. But wanting to understand and participate in your own birth isn’t being difficult — it’s being human.
And it’s your right as a birthing person.
How I prepared for birth
When I prepared for birth, I tried everything: journaling, therapy, energy work, research, podcasts, and courses. I didn’t think I was afraid of birth - most women in my family had smooth, uncomplicated experiences. I was actually intrigued by the challenge and approached it like another physical feat to train for.
But underneath all of that preparation, there was a quieter truth:
I was trying to outrun birth trauma.
Pregnancy has this uncanny way of pulling you back into your own emotional landscape - the messy parts, the unresolved parts, even the things you thought were long healed. It’s as if the mind and body offer one last invitation to release before stepping into parenthood.
(A blog for another day, maybe.)
Here I was doing ‘all the things’. But beneath all my efforts, there was fear. Not just fear of birth - fear of myself in birth.
I thought - that if I just knew enough about birth, I could somehow guarantee I wouldn’t be traumatized. I feared not knowing what might happen. I feared who might walk into the room. I feared the decisions other people might make around me. I feared not having informed consent.
But the deepest fear?
That I would abandon myself in a moment of need. That I would slip into survival freeze - the way trauma had taught me in the past.
So I had to dig in. This time, to my heart, instead of just my head. I had to see my fears honestly and make a different kind of commitment to myself. Not one built from knowledge, but one built from trust. Even if it wasn’t fully formed yet.
Later, when I trained as a HypnoBirthing educator, the science finally gave language to what I had felt intuitively:
The body follows the mind.
Fear constricts.
Hope opens.
And that isn’t just poetic - it’s rooted in our neurobiology. This is why possibility thinking is powerful - not because we just need to ‘think positive’ and all will be well, but because our neurology rehearses what we show it.
So, I had to learn to trust myself.
This is what would lay the groundwork for a different experience to emerge.
Self-trust is a stamp you place on your heart— a reminder that no matter what happens “out there,” you can always find your way back home inside yourself. It’s like a full-body exhale— the moment you know, really know that you’ll be okay, no matter what.
In Dr. Rachel Reed’s book ‘Reclaiming Childbirth’, she writes:
"Preparing for childbirth as a rite of passage involves a woman cultivating self-trust so that she can connect with her instinct during birth. Self-trust is distinct from ‘trusting birth’ or ‘trusting nature’. Indeed, nature and birth can become pathological or complicated. Instead, self-trust is about a woman trusting that her body will most likely follow the evolutionary blueprint, and that her instinct will tell her what she needs and whether she needs help. When a woman trusts herself, she knows that she has all that she needs to navigate the birth experience, however it unfolds. Even if birth throws her some curveballs, she trusts her ability to meet any challenges that arise. The process of cultivating self-trust is different for individual women, and there is no prescription for birth preparation."
It’s part of coming into oneself - which birth inevitably does. And if we can learn to do that in a space that is supported and safe, then that experience can carry us forward when we enter the birth room. Part of the physiology of birth is letting go of the external world so we can sink into our natural process and head our instincts. I like to say in my classes, ‘you have to go in to bring your baby out.’ But if we are constantly focusing on what everyone else is going to do, what is going on in the environment - then we stay in a sympathetic state, where the brain is scanning for danger.
We have to feel secure enough to go inward. And part of building that foundation of security is within yourself.
>> what you can do to build self trust <<
One small practice I often share with parents in my classes to start building self-trust is this:
Pause, take some calming breaths, place a hand on your body (somewhere that feels most supportive and grounding) and ask:
“What is true for me right now?”
Not what you should feel.
Not what someone else told you.
Not what the books or blogs say.
Just what’s real, here, in this moment, whatever you sense that to be.
It could be a sensation, an emotion, a need, a boundary, a question (or even a numbness).
It might sound like:
“I’m scared. I’m angry. I’m tense. Or I don’t want to be here.”
The practice isn’t about finding the “right” answer - it’s about creating the inner conditions where your own voice has space to show up.
When you hear it, you can simply say, “Ok, I hear you.” You might even want to take it a step further and ask yourself - “What do I need right now?” And then you have the opportunity to try to meet that need. It becomes…
“I’m angry —> I need to scream into a pillow.”
“I’m tense —> I need to have a bath.”
When you can start to really feel and hear yourself, you strengthen you strengthen the relationship to yourself and start to build that muscle of instinct. Over time, this simple ritual softens fear, strengthens discernment, and opens the door to deeper self-trust in birth and beyond.
What led me to teach HypnoBirthing® Mongan Method
That’s what eventually led me to wanting to teach this program. It pulled together everything I had pieced together on my own— the psychology, the physiology, the deeper emotional meaning, the layered tools that support the mind, the body, and the birth environment. Instead of months of trying to do everything separately, it felt like a five-week weaving-together: science and spirit, information and intuition, and support for both preparation and becoming.
What I love most about this approach is that it honours the whole picture.
Even if you’re not a “spiritual” person, meaning matters - and birth is nothing if not meaningful.
Birth is a doorway into parenthood, yes, but it’s also a doorway back into yourself.
It’s a process of remembering who you are and what you know. In a world where there is so much bringing us out of our body and instincts, this matters.
That was the missing link for me: learning to listen to my heart, not just my head. I had to stop approaching birth like a research project and start trusting that I would be okay - no matter what unfolded. How did I know? Because I was already doing it. And by opening up to hope, I could start to really envision and practice embodying what it felt like to show up for myself.
Because when you’re not connected to your body or emotions, the early weeks and months can feel even harder. This work helps people reconnect - to show up authentically, to feel heard, and to hear themselves again. And holding space for that process is what I love most about working alongside families.
Because birth isn’t something that happens to you. It’s something you’re deeply part of.