Antici…pation
birth plans and the space between expectation and anticipation
Spoiler alert. It’s not about control.
anticipation vs expectation
A birth plan is not about control.
It’s about clarity, curiosity, and building positive anticipation for one of the most profound transitions of your life.
While I don’t often use the word plan (I prefer birth preferences or birth visioning) - I think creating a space where you can imagine what you want in birth is vital in being able to decide how to prepare. The way I look at birth planning starts with an invite to shift from a place of expectation to anticipation.
The distinction between the two can make all the difference in how you experience it - and how you feel afterward.
Preparing, Not Predicting
Before we talk about building anticipation, we have to start here: getting clear on what you want.
That alone can feel pretty complicated.
Birth isn’t something you can predict, but it is something you can prepare for. And that preparation looks different for everyone - maybe it’s reading, taking a HypnoBirthing class, practicing breathing, or having real conversations with your care provider. Regardless of what you do, it’s helpful to know why you are doing it. This allows us to be an active participant in the process, not a passive passenger in it.
For generations, women have been taught to stay quiet, to endure, to not question authority. We’ve internalized the idea that it’s naïve or “too much” to want to be the expert on our own body.
I once had a friend share that during a prenatal visit, when she asked her doctor about discussing her birth plan, he cut her off:
“Your only plan should be that I deliver your baby safely.”
She left feeling small and defeated.
Who knows what was happening for that doctor - maybe he was exhausted, maybe he was just coming from attending a difficult birth where he was scared of being sued. It’s an understandable fear: obstetricians are consistently among the most frequently sued medical specialists in both Canada, United States and the UK. There is a lot going on for doctors too in the maternity journey.
But my response to this is - having a plan or vision, isn’t about controlling birth, it’s about feeling we are able to participate in it. Because it is the birthing person that births their baby. No one else. Whether it’s assisted, surgical, medical, or vaginal - you birth your baby.
Your Right to Decide: Your Body your Baby your Choice.
Let me say this clearly: you are not naïve for wanting a say in your birth.
Why wouldn’t you want to have a say?
And more importantly — why shouldn’t you?
Every birthing person has the right to their own body. To know, to ask, to decide. And those of us who support birth, as educators, doulas, healthcare providers, or friends, we have a responsibility to protect that right.
We also live in a culture that subtly encourages us to hand over authority, to “trust the system” and just go with the flow. The trouble with that, is the flow often isn’t our own. It’s a current shaped by institutional policies which favour efficiency, predictability, and liability - not necessarily by connection, trust, or individualized care.
So when I talk about birth preparation, I’m not talking about controlling birth.
I’m talking about reclaiming your place in it - steering your own flow.
To do that, you need to bring your whole self to the process: your instincts, your questions, your fears, your curiosity. That’s not easy in a system that fragments the body into parts and hides its workings behind medical language - one that doesn’t always leave space to honour instinct, intuition, or the full emotional process that birth brings.
In many settings, there simply isn’t the time or support to slow down, to listen, or to hold the complexity of what’s unfolding. That’s why additional support, whether from a doula, educator, or trusted companion, can make such a difference. It creates the space where you can reconnect with your instincts, feel seen in your emotional experience, and make choices from a place of calm and clarity rather than pressure or fear.
It’s not that you need to be a medical expert to make choices about your body, and I do not subscribe to the idea that there is a right answer in what you choose - there is only right for you, your baby and your family. Navigating the system without support can feel like a lot. At the very least, you need space - to listen inwardly and outwardly, to stay curious, to support yourself, and to trust your own sense of what’s right.
From Expectation to Anticipation
When we prepare for birth, it’s natural to form expectations. We imagine how it should go. We visualize the best-case scenario. We try to feel ready. But there’s a subtle shift that changes everything when we are able to move from expectation to anticipation.
~anticipation is open
Anticipation is the energy of curiosity and readiness. It’s leaning toward something with wonder, saying:
“I don’t know exactly how this will unfold, but I’m preparing my mind, body, and heart to meet it.”
It’s rooted in trust - trust in your preparation, your instincts, and your body’s intelligence. When you build this kind of trust, you don’t need to control every detail. You can participate in what’s unfolding instead of resisting it.
In birth, anticipation might sound like:
“I’m learning tools to stay calm and connected no matter how my birth unfolds.”
or
“I’m excited to meet my baby and see what my body is capable of.”
~ expectation is closed
Expectation is about control and outcome. It narrows possibility to one specific version of reality, which says:“It should go like this.”
When birth doesn’t match that image - as it often doesn’t - disappointment, guilt, or self-blame can creep in.
In birth, expectation might sound like:
“I’ll have a water birth without any interventions.”
or
“If I stay positive enough, everything will go exactly as planned.”
There’s nothing wrong with having preferences - they’re empowering. But when preferences harden into rigid expectations, there’s no space left for life’s natural unpredictability - and that’s where suffering often begins.
Cultivating anticipation instead of expectation is at the heart of HypnoBirthing and mindful birth work.
Through education, breathwork, visualization, and understanding physiology, you’re not trying to script birth - you’re preparing your nervous system to stay connected through whatever happens.
That’s how trust is built: not by controlling outcomes, but by deepening your relationship with your own capacity. When you understand how your body functions under normal conditions and nurture positive anticipation instead of fear, confidence grows naturally. That trust carries forward - into postpartum, into breastfeeding, into parenting.
You begin to trust your body, your baby, your intuition, your pace.
And you realize: you already know more than you think you do.
So, I invite you to let positive anticipation grow from trust
Because showing up with trust isn’t naïve.
It’s brave.
Approaching birth as a participant rather than simply a recipient, allows you to stay open. It’s an act of remembering that your body is wise, your voice matters, and your experience is yours to claim.
So as you prepare for birth - or whatever new beginning life is inviting you into - let expectation soften. Let anticipation take its place. And trust that you’ll know how to meet whatever comes.
(extra props to anyone who gets the reference in the title ;)
If you know; you know.